More Than Life
by NineTailedFoxDemoness
Summary: In a small whisper, one he could not even allow Shidoni's dead ears to hear, he said, "I at least wanted to tell you that..." His voice trailed off. He couldn't even complete the sentence in his head.  GrimmxOC


**More Than Life**

[Grimmjow Short Story]

Disclaimer: The lyrics for the song, "That Girl" belongs to David Choi and Wong Fu Productions. I do not own the lyrics, song, or the character Grimmjow. I only own my own OC and this story.

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I know it's wrong for me to say

It was strange enough that Grimmjow was feeling anything at all. It was even stranger that Grimmjow was feeling regret. He was, after all, Grimmjow, the merciless, bloodthirsty arrrancar that was anything but regretful. Yet here he was, in his room feeling regretful. There was a column of blood on the opposite wall. The blood was still fresh, sliding down the wall and staining the whiteness of the room. It seemed like the wall was crying red tears because white tears wouldn't be noticeable.

The blood was a manifestation of their battles and their triumphs. It was the color of their passion in two senses. It was also her preferred color because it was the same as her hair. It was the same reason why he liked it too. Looking at the blood, he was haunted by the thought that it would forever remind him of her and take away the pleasure of future battles.

_I don't need that girl by my side_

Shidoni Abarai was a Soul Reaper who belonged to the Fourth Division. She was known as the best healer, rival to the captain herself. Despite her healing powers, she was more skilled in battle. Her only mistake on the battlefield was having demonstrated her powers in front of Captain Aizen. From the very moment that Aizen saw Shidoni's skill and power, he had decided that she could be of great use.

So soon after his betrayal, Aizen sent Grimmjow forth to retrieve her. To tell the truth, Grimmjow didn't think much of Shidoni. Because she was a girl, Grimmjow immediately thought she was weak. That misconception wasn't erased until he discovered that she was slowly but surely growing on him.

He didn't realize the full extent of her hold on him until the time came when he was asked to kill her.

_I don't need that girl in my life_

They were both in Grimmjow's quarters because Aizen had ordered Grimmjow to keep watch over Shidoni for the time of her stay. It was this order that made it so that Grimmjow and Shidoni became so comfortable with each other, as if they had always been friends. Usually they would exchange insults and remarks, making their true mentl intimacy unknown to others. But tonight was the night that Orihime arrived at Hueco Mondo, and it had Shidoni on edge. So much on edge that she began to even open up to him.

"Because Orihime-chan is here, I don't see any reason that Aizen would want to keep me alive," Shidoni told him. She was sitting on the floor with her legs folded to her chest. She was staring at Grimmjow from the opposite wall. This was their usual sitting arrangement. Throughout the night, neither of them would cross to the other's side for fear that their more-than-friendship friendship would be unveiled. "So I suspect that Aizen will want me dead."

She looked up at him, waiting for his reply. She wanted it to be something more than the usual.

He scoffed at her. "That'll be one less mouth to listen to."

She was silent as she processed his response. It was the response that she wanted form him but at the same time didn't. She smiled softly. "You know you'll want to listen to me more than Aizen. I'm prettier after all."

Again he scoffed. "Should that matter when it comes to strength?"

"Beauty is strength, little grasshopper," she said in a tone and accent that mocked the old teachers of the day. She laughed at her little impression and then laid her head on her knees to hide.

He stared at her and wondered why her shoulders were shaking slightly. Then his eyes fell on her hair. It was the first time that Grimmjow noticed how her red hair resembled blood. This resemblance made it beautiful in his eyes. Then he realized why she was slightly shaking. But he couldn't physically cross to the other side and give her the real comfort that she wanted. All he did was sit where he was. Perhaps if he had known this was going to be the last time they would ever talk, he might've done more.

_I don't want to talk it out or hold her when she cries_

She had only been in Hueco Mondo for three days, and Grimmjow was already getting annoyed with her. She was constantly crying for her brother, for her fellow Soul Reapers, for the unfair card life had given her. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Grimmjow found that he could no longer handle her cries and screams. He walked to her and slapped her in the face.

In return, she spat her blood in his face.

Grimmjow growled dangerously as he wiped the blood away with the back of his hand. He sent her a glare that made her heart stop cold. "If you know what's good for you, you'll stop your screaming and crying. It's getting rather annoying."

"I'd rather die than be here," Shidoni said. Her voice held a determination that was beyond that of just a regular, weak healer. It was that determination that Grimmjow would come to admire weeks later when he ended her life.

"You soul reapers are all the same. What good is self-sacrifice when it won't help you grow stronger? Whatever Aizen sees in you, I'll never get. If he weren't so keen to keep you, I'd already have killed you long ago."

"What the hell does Aizen the Bastard want with me?"

He turned and walked to the opposite wall. He sat down with one leg propped and bent, one elbow bent over that knee. "How should I know? Not like I care."

That statement quickly turned into a lie a few weeks later.

_I don't want to say she's my kind_

"These are your orders: kill Shidoni Abarai."

When Grimmjow heard those words, his heart sunk to his hollowed stomach. If Aizen had uttered those words a few weeks ago, Grimmjow would've completed the task with no hesitation. But at the sound of his words, Grimmjow's blood turned colder than it already was.

"Hm? What's the matter, Grimmjow? Do you have a problem?" Aizen asked, although his voice indicated no such concern for Grimmjow. He seemed amused by this predicament.

Grimmjow quickly regained his demeanor. "It'll be quick and finished."

Aizen smirked. "That's the answer I wanted to hear."

Grimmjow turned around and began to walk slowly out of the room. But he stopped when a question popped up in his head. "Hey, Aizen, why'd you make me get her if you were only going to kill her?"

Aizen took a long moment to consider whether he would answer or not. Then he took another moment to consider what kind of answer he would give. Or maybe those silent moments were only for dramatic suspense. Nonetheless, Aizen answered, "She's a nuisance now. Still, I wouldn't want the Soul Society to have her in their arsenal. Why do you ask, Grimmjow? It isn't like you to question meaningless death."

"I was just wondering why I should kill someone who you were so keen to keep for so long. That's all."

It was a lame response, and rather out of character for Grimmjow, but he didn't care about being consistent. When it came to Shidoni, he found that his character was anything but consistent.

But there was no way he would ever admit that.

_I don't want to say that she's mine_

Grimmjow did not return to his room until many hours later. He had tried everything he could to not go into his room. He wondered around Hueco Mondo aimlessly, trying to begin fights with the other arrancars, simply kill some time. As he wondered about, he began to question himself.

A few weeks ago when he first brought her here, she had been a pest. Slowly, she stopped crying and screaming. Instead, she had decided to save her energy for the war, for she was certain she would find a way out. When she wasn't screaming and crying, she was actually nice to have around. Slowly and surely they became small friends.

He tried to pinpoint the exact moment when he had fallen so deep into Shidoni's being that he could not bring himself to pull out of her and kill her. He couldn't, and was instead left with the realization that he had never really wanted to kill her. Perhaps when he first met her he had started to lean over that cliff.

Hours later, his brain hurt from so much thinking and his mind hurt from so many emotions. With clenched fists, he walked back to his room. When he opened the door, Shidoni was sitting at her usual wall.

But she was already bloody and dead. A long column of blood, starting from the corner where the wall and ceiling met, stained the wall with her at the base of it. There were cuts and bruises all over her body. Grimmjow, used to seeing sights even more gruesome than this, felt something in his hollowed stomach come up his throat. It was rage.

On the other side of the room was a female arrancar, one who was much inferior to him and much afraid at this point.

"Lord Aizen ordered me to kill her. He said that if you would not, I was to do it. Lord Grimmjow, please don't hurt me. I didn't mean to deprive you of battle; I was merely following orders." Her voice trembled timidly but Grimmjow did not care how afraid she was. In a split second, before the arrancar knew what was happening, he had already killed her with a single blast.

Then, with the existence of the inferior arrancar gone, he turned to face Shidoni. He began to walk slowly to her corpse, all the while fighting the regret that was rising to his throat; it was suffocating him. In a small whisper, one he could not even allow Shidoni's dead ears to hear, he said, "I at least wanted to tell you that..." His voice trailed off. He couldn't even complete the sentence in his head.

_I don't want to her tell her that I love her more than life, more than life_


End file.
